I was doing so well there for a while...

...then I became very busy and forgot to write! 

Since my last post, I have made at least one major decision: I will be finishing my MA report this summer rather than this semester. It was a difficult decision for me to make, because I've never set a deadline for myself that I haven't been able to meet before. However, I couldn't be happier that I made the decision, because my stress level went way, way down after that. 

I've still been busy with classwork and my TA responsibilities. Plus, I've continued to work on my MA some. I'm writing a couple of interesting seminar papers on the ethics of sainthood and on the religious 'experience' of Joseph Smith and R.W. Emerson. I'm enjoying it!

Matt and I are still very happy. Two weeks ago I went with him to his brother's wedding. I met the remaining few relatives whom I hadn't already met, and I really liked them all. They seemed to like me too, which is nice. We might go visit his brother Kevin and his girlfriend Steph in D.C. this summer. Could be fun! 

Other than that trip, this summer I'll basically be around Austin, finishing my MA and working for my advisor as a research assistant. I'm looking forward to the more leisurely pace and the opportunity to FOCUS on my project. Hopefully this summer will also yield some time to figuring out a dissertation topic. Oh boy!

Good Times

The past two weekends have been really nice. Last friday Matt and I went to the concert for a local band, Corto Maltese. They put on a good show, and it was nice to be out in East Austin (at the Scoot Inn) to see the hipsters at play. I think Matt can sometimes read my mind, because I was starting to feel bored with our usual weekend plans, and he came up with the concert idea on his own. He's a sweet boyfriend. :) 

The next night we went to a party at my friend Chris' house. Leanne, Mando, Jeff, Matt H., Jarad, Debbie, and a few others were there whom I haven't seen in a long time. It was really great to catch up with all of them, and of course, end up singing and dancing in the backyard later in the night. I miss seeing them all more often. 

This Friday Ben and Lucy were in town, so Matt and I met them at Trudy's for dinner with two other friends (Ben and Bailey). Then we all hung out at Ben and Bailey's for a while, eating cake for my brother's birthday. I always love to see my brother and sister-in-law. They are my people. Ben and Bailey also have a really cute schnauzer puppy. CUTE! 

Yesterday afternoon we drove out to Marble Falls to see Hope and meet her new husband Tim. Tim is a really great guy, and a history grad student! (The best kind of person.) It was great to see Hope, and it felt natural to see her again even after a year and a half of separation. 

It's been great to see old friends and family and just relax a little bit. I also have to admit that it's great to have Matt with me. It's nice to have a person to come with me everywhere, especially a person I love and I think is great. really great. 

Spring break is this week, so I'm looking forward to time with him and to visiting my family later in the week. If only I didn't have so much grad work to do. It's hard for me to shake the cloud of stress that constantly hovers over my shoulder. I'll be working this afternoon on my MA report and on grading...boo. 

Well, that's all folks. 

The Joys of the Everyday

So I'm feeling really good right now. I had a fun weekend. My friend Patricia came in for the weekend from New York. She's my German friend with whom I traveled this summer. I was really good to see her and to catch up on our lives. 

Yesterday afternoon was really stressful in trying to finish up an assignment for my English seminar, but things went smoothly in class today. One student told me she liked my paper; praise from peers is always gratifying in some way. 

This afternoon has been absolutely delightful. I got out of class at 5 to perfect Austin 60ish and sunny weather. I chatted with Matt on the phone briefly, which always makes me happy. Then, I decided to stay on campus to work tonight, so I treated myself to a yummy Chipotle dinner. I've had all the calories I now need for the rest of the day, I think. But, I'm happily full and caffeinated. While I was eating dinner two of my old friends called, so I ended up having company for dinner, even though I sat alone. My friend Stacy is pregnant! My friend Matt called to wish me a happy Texas Independence Day. So I'm feeling loved. 

I'm also looking forward to working. I'm finally just setting aside some time to write a little bit of my masters report tonight. Of course, I have to write it to give to my advisor tomorrow, and of course, the writing process is painstaking. However, I've been caught up in the whirl of coursework and grading and trying to keep my meagre social life afloat, so it's nice to set aside time to do real work. It feels great, actually. 

Hopefully I'll still be singing my happy tune after 3 or so hours of trying to write the introduction to a paper that still has no shape. Regardless, at least I'm starting out happy. 

Life update

Last week my backpack broke with my unprotected computer inside. The mouse button wouldn't work when I tried to turn on my computer. Naturally, I panicked. My lovely boyfriend helped me take it to get repairs and kept me from losing my mind entirely. Luckily, I had backed up my data the day before, so I didn't have to worry about losing anything. I was actually only without my computer for 5 days (got it back today!!), and my boyfriend's mom allowed me to use her computer to convert some of my word docs to google, so I was able to access everything that I need. Nevertheless, it was a sharp reminder of how dependent I am on my computer to all of my work. 

Other than that, things have been going well for the most part. Matt and I are happy, happy. He's a great boyfriend! My classes are going well, and my TA experience is highly educational. My only real worry is that I haven't been able to put as much time into my Masters report as I need to in order to finish when I want to. I'm just still not sure what I really want to say yet. I try not to let it worry me...but, I'm not good at not worrying. 

Anyhow, sorry for the boringness of the post. It's the best I've got for now.

Emersonian Ramblings

I'm annoyed that blogger won't let me use my gmail account for this blog. I'd like to streamline everything into gmail. Doesn't that make them happy? Maybe I'll start a new blog using my gmail address. notgonnabealawyer is pretty far behind my thoughts these days, but if I stop using this blog does the experience really continue unabated? 

Anyways, I'm feeling pretty good right now despite the fact that I've basically blown off reading the book I was assigned for class tomorrow and read book reviews instead. Last week was a really stressful week full of grading, and there's something empowering about reclaiming my life in a small way by reading things that interest me instead of a book that doesn't, or really is so heavily steeped in postmodern gender theory that I don't want to stretch my poor brain enough to read it right now. 

I'm taking a class this semester called "American Lives of the Word." It's a class on the writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Joseph Smith (founder of Mormonism) and John Brown (radical abolitionist who led the raid on Harper's Ferry). What I love about this class is that we get to read actual primary sources. History seminars are deplorably lacking in these exercises most of the time, and that annoys me, because the reason I got into history in the first place was love of primary sources (well really love of dead philosophers, but in history we call those primaries). 

Anyway, Emerson is incredibly interesting so far. We read one of his pieces called "The American Scholar." (Presented to the Phi Beta Kappa Society in 1837. I am also a member of PBK. This connection makes me happy. I am a historian.) Anyway, I found the piece inspiring because Emerson highly advocates creativity. This is part of the scholar's vocation. He even says, "Man Thinking must not be subdued by his instruments. Books are for the scholar's idle times. When he can read God directly, the hour is too precious to be wasted in other men's transcripts of their readings..." Books are for idle times! I read all the time!!

I've never considered myself a particularly creative person. I'm (intensely) analytical, so my 'creativity' usually comes in the form of picking apart and putting together ideas, the more abstract, the better. I also like to analyze people, an amateur psychologist of sorts. My point is that I've never expected to have the next big idea. I still don't, but, damn it, I shouldn't give up trying to be creative in my own way. 

I miss my undergraduate years for this a bit. As I discussed in my last post, I was a little bit of a sadly introspective person (now I'm still introspective, but hopefully less sad), but I was always thinking about something. There are weeks now in which I feel I haven't been inspired or so lost in my ideas that I accidentally walk past people I know. Maybe there's something to be said for being more grounded. After all, I live more than I used to, and that's an important part of Emerson's formula for the scholar as well. Nevertheless, I've got to do something more. Be somehow creative. I dunno. 

I'm not saying that I'm thinking of giving up books, but I am reminded of the importance of taking time to think about things, not just to consume book after book, getting lost in a swirl of meaningless striving. These thoughts are very amorphous and maybe I'll come down off the Emerson high and return to my usual skepticism. But, for the moment, I am challenged and inspired. I think Emerson couldn't be more pleased with my response himself.

Oldster

I've been feeling quite nostalgic (and old) this week. 

I found out a few days ago that one of my good friends from college is getting married in August. I couldn't be happier for her! Still, she was one of the people I always assumed would be independent and free for a long time, so when I received the email, I was surprised. Of course, many of my friends have gotten married over the past 5 years or so, but her wedding hits home, because I saw her life trajectory as being similar to mine--single for longer than many of my friends. 

In addition to her wedding, I've been excited to finally meet my friend Hope's husband. It's happy and strange to realize that she met and married someone in between the year and half it's been since I visited her in Boulder. I can't wait to see her again! 

Of course, these weddings make me think about my old friends from back in my undergrad years, which are receding into the past at greater and greater speeds. I miss those younger days sometimes. And I really miss my friends. I had no idea how much money and how much free time I had. And I got to read books that really mattered to me. Grad school hasn't really afforded as much opportunity to do that as I'd like. On the other hand I was rather intellectually and spiritually tortured much of the time. So pensive. I'm much, much happier now. And my stomach no longer suffers from too much coffee intake.

I know people talk about not having regrets, and I don't have any deep regrets. But, I definitely suffer from "I wish I'd known then what I know now" syndrome. I don't regret being a serious student, but I wish I'd realized sooner that I didn't need to be so serious. I will be one of those old people who laughs all the time. I will have spent so much of my youth thinking intensely and seriously about things that by the time I'm old I will have nothing left to ponder about anxiously. At least I hope so. Someone remind me of this when I'm old.

I think that my 'aging' process is thrown into sharper relief, because I'm still at UT. Walking around campus today I wondered about all of the undergraduate students I saw running around campus--talking to their friends, studying, walking into dorms, etc. I wondered whether their experiences are anything like mine. I wondered whether they could tell by looking at me that I'm not one of them. For now, I might still pass for an undergraduate, but give it a few years, and they'll probably stop offering me the Travesty. 

I guess one can't avoid growing older. No alchemist will ever offer me a secret elixir to extend my life. SO. Perhaps I should stop worrying about becoming old and wrinkly and not a student anymore and just enjoy what I've got going on now. Yeah. 

The rain made me melancholy today. Hopefully a cheerier post next time.

Fast Forward

Hi kids. So I've been a neglectful Nancy when it comes to this blog. Last semester was incredibly busy, and happy, so I let my reading public (all 3 of you) fall to the wayside. I hope you can forgive. :)

This semester promises to be a good one. I'm taking two seminars on topics that I really like, I have a good TA assignment, and I'm working on my Master's report. The main problem will be not to allow the Master's report to cause a continuous, nagging, choking feeling of stress. Luckily my wonderful boyfriend (or almost 5 months!) helps to keep me sane and to relax. 

So. I will do my best to keep you all in the loop. It's good to be back!